Rainbow Dash

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was one of the programs funded as our lords at Hasbro to fill airtime on their newly created Hub Network, which is an entire channel designed to sell Hasbro products. The original My Little Pony line of toys was created as the equivalent girlie toy line for the much manlier properties of Transformers and G.I. Joe. As much as our lives have progressed, toy marketing is still very traditional. Somewhere in history a person of the female persuasion was (consensually) associated with a horse, and as such women are generally perceived as equestrian enthusiasts.

However it seems that the planets aligned in such a way that Hasbro decided not to hand their decades old property to just anyone with a copy of Flash and some goofy voices, but acclaimed writer, animator, and director Lauren Faust. As she created the quirky Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Faust knew full well the potential of cartoons to tell memorable stories and tell positive messages about life while simultaneously shilling toys. Some unicorn apologists will tell you that this show has achieved something that a lot of corporate mandated girl’s entertainment fails to do most of the time, which is telling growing young girls that you are who you are and that all of your talents and abilities can be used to benefit both yourself and your friends.

The result of a Faustian pact with Faust, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has soared to great heights in terms of popularity on the internet. The result is that America now has its own equivalent franchise to Japan’s beast which can not be fed: Touhou. Fans both young and old (but mostly old) have covered the internet with a veritable stampede of fanfics, fanart, fanshows, fanedits, and fanfans all in the name of the herd. Not that it changed the overall makeup of our vast Gibsonian future, but it maybe threw a little sparkling paint on some of the more infamous cesspools.

Which brings me to the subject of this review.

Here we have a typical pony in its original C10 packaging. The rather minimalist design of the plastic coffin uses enough shades of pinks and purples to make Kunio Okawara blush. It is sealed with copious amounts of cardboard glue and tape.

As a nod to the old timers buying this toy, the figure includes one of those silly mini-DVDs with an episode of the cartoon. I say this is for old people because any modern eight year old has already torrented an entire season worth of this cartoon as well as several cam rips of popular movies.

I have been informed that the pony mold in question is in fact a slightly retooled version of an existing pony. Hasbro, not being ones to throw anything away unless it’s Generation 1 Sunstreaker, has done their best to dress up what I have heard is an undesirable pony sculpt in the likeness of this character. A we all know,sShow accuracy is in fact very important to fans. This toy does not pass that test as you can clearly see the actual figure is a rough representation of the crisp cartoon image on the lower left of the package. The singular action feature of this toy is simply stated, “PONY PULLS THE WAGON!”

The wagon itself is a simple affair that may or may not have working wheels. It is cast in girl toy approved pink. Also included is a small squirrel thing that reminds me of my youth as a Pokemon (BLUE) trainer.

The back of the package is even more minimalist than the front. Presumably this is to make it easier to visually digest for the (intended) audience of the show.

The pony in the package is Rainbow Dash. She is an athletic young pegasus who one day dreams of joining the pony equivalent of the Blue Angels. Using her gift of flight, she soars through the skies while pushing the envelope much like a pair of young robot pilots I know who happen to share the same voice actor. Her reputation as a headstrong tomboy (and fabulous hair) has earned her the ire of some people who believe she is promoting homosexuality. If you are a person who is bothered by the apparent sexuality of a cartoon pony, then the problem is with you

Oh I’m sure they all do…

Now I would like to thank my fellow reviewer and bro, Dkun, for giving me this toy as a belated birthday gift.

Before I end this review, I would like to answer the question many of you must have on your mind. Will I open this toy? My answer is no, I will not.

Because that is how they infect you!