Transformer 5-in-1 Future Lion
Review by JoshB
There are atrocities, and then there is this.
There’s a local indoor / outdoor flea market that has been hit and miss with bootlegs over the years. I started my first business, Cybertoyz, based on re-selling bootlegs obtained from this market. Now most of the bootlegs there are of toys I don’t care about, so I rarely bring things home.
However this trip was different. This one dealer has had stacks of these bootleg Panosh Place Voltron toys for about 10 years. They just sit there. I’ve never gotten one due to my insane hatred of the original of that toy. It’s just wrong on so many levels. But one day a few weeks ago something clicked in my head. Something changed. I bought it.
This abomination is called “Transformer 5-in-1 Future Lion”. It takes everything that I think was wrong with the original and magnifies it by 100, turning it inside out so at times it actually seems cool again.
The box is huge. The cardboard is thin, and the illustrations of Voltron are based on an idealized version of what this toy COULD have looked like, had it been animated like this.
TF5N1FL is visible in all his glory through the cut out window, and below that, the pilots have been replaced with various Ultramen. This hails from China, but didn’t the old Korean toys always have random Ultramen thrown in?
Take the toy out and something unexpected appears – a giant slab of Styrofoam. Like crushed red velvet, the inclusion of real Styrofoam in the packaging always makes the contents seem more valuable than they
Check it out – an instruction sheet!
Upon removing the tightly packed toy, the limbs pretty much fall right off. Getting the thing to stand is frustrating and near impossible.
How ugly are thee? Let me count the ways…
The head. Oh god, do not stare directly at the head. The original suffered from exposing too much of the face but here it seems like it’s pushed out even further. The yellow paint with read headband does nothing to hide the pain.
The mold of the lion head is decent but there’s no friction in the neck, causing the head to fall down and the jaw to close. You breathe on this thing wrong, something breaks.
Note the misaligned chest sticker…
… and the barely-attached belt. Still more accurate than the MattyCollector Voltron. (Zing!)
Not only is the paint and sticker application bad on the legs, but notice that the leg and arm colors are swapped. Parts have sprue residue on them and the cockpits don’t stay closed in robot mode.
The arms don’t fare any better. Paint and stickers are also bad. Keep in mind these criticisms are already on top of a terrible design.
From the back you begin to see one of this toy’s few redeeming qualities. GOLD CHROME. It surprisingly works. The wings and tail are tight.
Let’s examine each lion a little closer.
These toys were obviously designed to work better in their animal modes than components of Voltron. As TF5N1FL they fail on both counts. However the Black Lion sort of pulls it off.
The head sculpt is decent like I said before, but look at the overbite on that lower jaw!
The gold and silver chrome look nice and would be welcome on any legit version of the toy.
I never understood how these were supposed to be legs.
The Blue Lion is alright, but the same issues with the legs. What ARE those? Who thought this was a good idea? You know how they make toys for “differently abled” kids that have the same issues as the real kids? Maybe this is “Differently Abled” Voltron.
The cockpit does open, and the little Ultraman actually fits inside.
The Yellow lion is pretty much the same. The head rotates and jaw opens.
Ultraman goes in the Lion, you go in the Lion. Voltron's in the Lion. Our Voltron.
Green and Red lion, despite being the feet, are also similar. They have different head molds but share the same bodies. Cockpits open, Ultraman goes inside.
During the Transformation process, you can open the front panel of the Black Lion and store yet another Ultraman inside.
Imagine how awesome it would be if there was a giant robot powered by Ultramen? Five Ultraman piloting giant battle cat robots that combine into one giant super lion robot! In theory, this would be awesome. Here, not so much.
Yes, there are weapons. The giant sword is nice, and it holds it well. The shield has just a peg, which has no place to attach to. Good luck with this. I used gravity.
Also included is one random weapon that attaches to any of the lion legs. I put it here because TF5N1FL.
Can you name all the Ultramen?
I feel like I need an exorcism after handling this. The things I do for you people.
|Posted 8 November, 2012 - 14:10 by JoshB|